Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I had a breakdown today in class.

My book arts teacher was upset that none of us came on an optional field trip last weekend to see some art exhibits in LA, and wanted to get into a discussion with us about it to light a fire under us, but I could feel how upset she was and so I was getting more upset (starting from confusion about a looseleaf project and ending with me having to walk out).

And I understand how she feels about it being hard to motivate people, but she's not giving us the benefit of the doubt. I think her dissatisfaction with some aspects of the college is infiltrating the class, and the field trip was kind of the kicker. But I talked with her afterwards and I think she understands a bit better how I was feeling and why I had to leave.

Anyway, I just felt really out of control in class today. I just lost it and had to get out. At least I came back.

Things contributing to my frustration: Cj's health, my wrists starting to hurt, work management falling apart/scheduling/money issues, the musical (and all that that entails), having to get up early and go to bed late/not being able to get enough sleep/class being cancelled and coming to campus early for nothing, moving to my parents house/moving out of my mobile home, my own insecurities about my strength as a director (don't say anything, I know what you all think and I love you for it), feeling unprepared.

I'm okay now, but I'm feeling extremely drained and I really don't want to go fight at OSL. Maybe I'll call them first and see if the woman I need to talk to is even still there.

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