Review: Star Wars, Episode II

First, the bad stuff:

1. George Lucas cannot write dialogue. We've known this for some time. But if you want to see some choice lines of bad dialogue, go see Episode II, where you will hear such lines as "I see this cannot be settled by our knowledge of the force... it must be settled by our skill with lightsabers," as well as "This party's over," and "Good call, my young Padouin!" Not to mention the love patter between Amidala/Padme and Anakin, which was equally abysmal. I don't care how hot you thought either one of them was, it was still bad.

2. Anakin Skywalker is a whiney little brat. I got the feeling he was supposed to inspire awe and pity (awe because of his immense power and rage, pity for his mother's death) but I couldn't bring myself to see him as anything other than an immature little boy. The Anakin Skywalker in Episode I was more mature, and he still annoyed the hell out of people.

3. Jar Jar Binks didn't die. He did have a drastically reduced part, but for the few minutes he was onscreen he manages to make himself the cause for an entire war, thereby screwing things up for the rest of the characters. However, as these actions ensure the existence of Episode III, I guess we can let him slide. He was considerably less annoying this time. George Lucas has obviously been listening to the fans.

4. I was going to say something here about Natalie Portman's costumes, or lack thereof, but why fight it? If it makes hundreds of pimply, pasty fanboys happy, I guess it's ok.I would, however, like to share this interesting quote from "Bikini Riot": "While Carrie Fischer objected to Princess Leia's transformation into a chained, bikini-clad slave girl we were grateful. Fischer says “When they took my clothes off, put me in a bikini and shut me up, I thought it was a strong indication of what the third film was." Maybe George Lucas will have Leia’s mother don something similar in the next installment - "Attack of the Clones." And she did, true to their predictions.

Some good things!

1. Yoda becomes the star of an awesome fight scene towards the end with the Viceroy and basically steals the whole movie! Go Yoda! You're hardcore!
2. Ewan McGregor, while admirably handling the position of crotchety elder Jedi, still maintains his wry sense of humor and boyish good looks. ;)
3. No sign of *N Sync, although I'm sure they were there; George Lucas hides them admirably.
4.The triumphant return of 3PO and R2D2! I don't know what it is about them... I have to say it, though - if you had to pick out the character(s) in a Star Wars film who could be construed as gay, 3PO and R2 are such the gay couple. They're just so cute together ;P
5. I also really liked the aside about Bobba Fett and where he comes from... If you didn't understand, he's part of Jenga Fett's payment for being the host for the clone armies, Jenga Fett's own little clone that he raises as a son. I have no idea why he does this, so if you know please email me cause I'm curious.

Overall, a much much better picture than Episode I. Great fight/chase scenes, good plot development (although the characters didn't change all that much, but oh well), and excellent effects. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this an 8.

Any lower and Yoda would kick my butt.